Working has always been very difficult and disastrous for me, as well, but not in the beginning. Usually in the beginning I'll be feeling pretty pumped and determined, usually get compliments from my superiors which stokes my ego a little bit and makes me feel extra motivated. But then if I'm not on medication, eventually all of the stimulation starts making my brain whir at a million miles per hour. Then I start getting the insomnia. My performance starts dipping. Which stresses me out. The anxiety and paranoia start creeping in. It gets to the point where I've been up all night, and I'm supposed to get up in an hour to shower and go to work, but my whole body hurts, I'm getting mild hallucinations, I can't think straight. But I force myself to go. At that point I've started showing up for work unshowered, not dressed right, and my performance has taken a major dive. My paranoia is through the roof. Then comes the grand finale where I completely lose my **** at work and either quit or get fired. Then I spend some time recuperating. Then I try again. Over and over.