Well.. I am going to be blunt.. Because someone was blunt with me once and saved my life. My husband didn't wind up a widow, My daughter didn't wind up without a Mom.

I think when push comes to shove you appear "more well" than you really are, probably a default setting in your brain, I have been guilty of it many times. Last night was a perfect snap shot of your ability to basically shrug all this hell off.

Now really...... is going IP so terrible that you can't bear it for 5-7 days? Can you not see that your practically setting yourself up to fail? It is a proven fact going IP will give you that access to an IOP program, fact ! You have been off the rails for far too long. Your not safe alone. Your not safe for your kids. You seem more worried about upsetting your precious Pdoc than fighting for the immediate help that you.

Your Pdoc is being reckless. Your frantic basically all the time, I have watched you for almost a month now having more and more trouble. Your music is your friend and certainly your trigger. You are disassociating on daily basis on your threads.

You Pdoc is reckless. Clozaril really is a last resort medication. It is something that should never be a treatment until everything else is exhausted, and certainly for safety it should only be started when a person is IP , so that you can be monitored 24/7. This medication is a heavy hitter than can leave you with life long medical problems.

You are suicidal. Your desperate, frantic and need help. It's simple pack a bag with your comfy clothes, a pic of your family, and your toothbrush. Go to the ER and say... I am suicidal ....... 3 words that will help you take back your life.

I am sorry if I have upset you, not my intention... rattle your cage a bit, sure. I hope that you think to yourself... If someone was having all these problems what advice would I give them ?