Having active symptoms isn't being stupid. If you know something is stupid but you're doing it anyway, that doesn't prove that you are stupid, it just shows that you have active symptoms. It means you're smart, but your illness is compelling you to defy your own knowledge and wisdom. It's super important to understand this and accept it so that you don't wind up feeling embarrassed or ashamed, because shame can lead to secrets, and secrets can be fatal. Hope you're feeling better, though.