Thank you for the reply, I appreciate it. I am still trying to piece things together. It's been tough because over the years the only person I ever spoke consistently with was my mother, but either she never recognized psychosis when it was happening, or she didn't care. So when I should have been hospitalized, I always just wound up getting hurt instead. Like before I ran away to that state, I sent my mother an email telling her about my mission and detailing my plans. Looking back while stable, I can see that I was clearly not thinking right at all and was off my rocker. My mother basically just told me good luck. I never realized I was psychotic until I was almost dead and it was over.