Know that other people are in similar situations and talking does help.
I truly sympathise with you! Communication is THE most important thing and when you cannot do this, everything else comes to a halt.
You don't mention what the disorder or the 'laziness' as your husband calls it, is.
You sound like the one who is facing the problem head on and not skirting around the edges. You do sound like you want to make it work. From where I am standing that does not sound unreasonable. Perhaps you need to see a councelor on your own. It may be that your husband is manipulating you and perhaps breaking down your self-esteem.
I tend to over analyse and am trying to get out of the habit. One needs to know where to stop analysing and when to take action. This I have personally found tricky. There is always the 'but what if this or what if that' question that keeps you analysing more. I try to balance it out by sometimes following my inner gut feeling.
I hope that you succeed in finding out who you are and what will make you happy.
Know that others care.