Hi Secret, you are not a bad person. You don't deserve bad things. That is the depression talking. You are a good person and you deserve much better. You deserve peace of mind and good things in life. You are a kind person and a good friend. Can you go back to a pdoc? Go back to or change meds? Is there something or someone that can offer you a distraction from the pain you are feeling.

You are a very good person. Please take care of yourself and stay safe.