Miguel's mom makes a lot of good points.

I think that if you took a poll on here you'd be nearly 100% at "we think you need IP and a different dr at the very least looking at your meds and giving an honest opinion about them as well as discussing Clozaril honestly with you". Maybe your dr's issue is that he is too compassionate? That would help explain your mixed feelings. I'm not sure why he hasn't hospitalized you if you've expressed intent. I thought that was a pretty straight ticket into IP. But maybe that's my drs.

The judging how people are doing based on looks or other characeteristics is so stupid. I once had a pdoc who didn't diagnose bipolar because she thought if I could get a master's degree and work in healthcare I was too well to be bipolar. I was going home from working and climbing into bed in my filthy scrubs and eating (often cold) chef-boy-r-dee only b/c it was the easiest food. (So gross). She was very, very wrong.

Can you think about what you would say if it were someone else? Wouldn't you be worried and want them to get the help they needed however they could? If IOP is not an option that doesn't leave much else but IP and so that's how you can get it.

I think that's how we all feel about you (I'm guessing about others of course). We just want you to feel better, whatever it takes for that to happen. You've tried home care, you've tried for IOP, that just doesn't leave much else but IP and it doesn't negate that you still need help.

You're going to feel better but you have to take that awkward, painful step first.