Quote:
Originally Posted by BeyondtheRainbow
Huh........I once had a mania where I DESPERATELY wanted to smoke. I'd never even tried a cigarette before or since. It was all I could do to not beg co-workers for cigarettes on a daily basis. Nobody could explain why this was happening. I wonder if it was, as you say, a way to hurt myself. I've wanted tattoos before just because I knew it would hurt and I've never wanted a tattoo when not in an episode so I figured that was the rationale there but I never thought about it applying to the great desire to smoke 2007. (That was SO WEIRD).
Thanks for the idea.
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I was a very light smoker before my traumatizing episode in january, averaged three to four cigarettes a day, so I really only needed to buy one pack a week.
But since then I've been smoking like a chimney, almost smoking half a pack a day.
It's because I've been so stressed out, and somewhat down about the whole "really" having bipolar thing and being bumped up to bp1. Until january episode I never even thought about the bipolar diagnosis. I'd have maybe a week of hypo, sometimes only three days, and it never caused me any problems. I just did silly things. The longest I was hypo was three months, where I spent my time in serious happy hypo land writing a novel. It was one of the best three months of my life. And then I crashed, and had the longest depression ever.
And since that episode in january my paranoia has been at an all time high. I mean, I was paranoid before it, but only mildly so, and only once in awhile (VERY once in awhile), and now I'm having trouble just getting through my work day without completely freaking out. It was never like that before.
I see the before me and the after me, and it's like I'm a different person now. I've NEVER had any trouble working, until now.