i feel quite calm but very scared by how i am feeling.......i am ready to give up.

just give up trying, give up fighting, give up surviving, give up living.

i have never felt so calm with the idea of just stopping it all. i feel like it time i just let the world go on, without me constantly whinging and moaning, without me wasting peoples time when they should be worrying about more important things, just without me

whenever i have thought of ending it all before i have felt as though my head is spinning with a thousand different things, but today, it all seems to make sense to me

i see it as my only way of getting away from all the hurt, all the pain, all the memories, and for once..........i am ok with it

i have cut today, again, i was very calm and relaxed, which is a first for me with cutting. Usually i cut to release and relieve myself from hurt and pain and things i cant express, but today was different. i cut because i wanted to, and scarily, it felt so good. to imagine cutting a little deeper, or finding an ateiary was not hard.

its scary how calm i feel

i love you all so much

Mad xoxox