My parents were alcohlics and so it was easier to control a fearful child. So they always made a big deal about a lot of things. Like lifting weights (I'm going to kill myself with them, I'm warned) or even crossing the street. I was so terrified I had trouble going to the grocery store or gas station at one point. Im 28 now and I've been able to overcome a lot of that harmful fearful upbringing. But I still feel lost and alone.

I had no idea that all this was not normal until I got older (late teens early 20s)

I wish I understood how it relates to my uneasiness with masculinity and sex tho idk