sorry you are having battles inside. I totally understand "uphill" and against the "norm".... I put on my avatar that "I'm swimming against the tide" coz that's how it seems most times......

But on the other hand... I've come to feel "special" in that I dont' ever get bored.... have so much going on just "inside" that boredom is not anything I have to live with. I've not been diagnosed with schizophrenia... but have been given several different labels to my "struggle"-- one of which I've not talked about-- schizotypal personality disorder...... in the UK it's (I've been told) classified as "mild schizophrenia"... but not here in the US-- it's a personality disorder..

anyway.... I hope you will keep trying.... there's people here that will listen....

mandy