I've suffered from depression for years and a recent experience has really sent me on a downward spiral. For the past five years I've volunteered weekly with a cat rescue. Over that time, the founder of the rescue and I have become close friends...or so I thought. Last week, I showed up and learned that we had an outbreak of a deadly virus. Two kittens were dead and the entire facility likely was exposed, so we will probably lose 20-30 more kittens. I was numb. We've already lost over 10 kittens this season from another virus and it's been very difficult on everyone. I proceeded to do my volunteer duties and my friend came in. I must have had a look of horror on my face, as she kept asking what was wrong. I finally said that I'd reached my limit on death and didn't know if I could continue volunteering. Instead of getting any empathy or support, the angry response was, "We have ONE bad kitten season..." I was incredibly hurt, as I have spent countless hours listening to her talk about wanting to give up running a rescue, etc. and there was no reciprocity. I told her just that in a follow-up email, which was ignored.

She took a passive-aggressive swipe at me on FB, saying that the hardest part of the situation was dealing with volunteers whose feelings "apparently" take front row. (And then in another quintessentially passive aggressive move, put me on her FB restricted list. Just unfriend me and be done with it!) I didn't approach her and dump on her, she got in my face and pushed until I said something. I don't understand how that makes me a selfish person who thinks her feelings take precedence.

I now seem to be persona non grata. Today I will show up there to cover for another volunteer because I'm a team player and I will show up for my regular shift tomorrow. And I'll do that full of Ativan, which I've never taken before, because I don't know how to handle being around all these dying animals without meds. I'm not a pill girl, so that says something.

I didn't run screaming and abandon ship with no notice, I simply was honest. That honesty seems to have cost me a valuable friendship and likely the opportunity to continue to be involved with an organization that I've helped build. My depression is so much worse than last week as a result.