I feel like it's so hard to tell the difference between "being a drama queen/king" and "being in denial". I was hoping to find some professionally-guided, clear-cut lists to help me out, but my internet searches are not going so great. That link above is the best I have found so far.

Like for example, it is not unusual when I am winding up into a mixed state / dysphoric mania to have intrusive and overwhelming homicidal ideation. It's very difficult to talk about, let alone admit to, but it happens. I will do everything in my power to distract and distance myself, try to self-soothe, try to hold it together. When a sub-episode is over, I usually break down hysterically bawling because it feels like I have demons in my head, and I'm horrified and ashamed that I could ever have such thoughts and feelings. But, I've never actually attacked anyone. They've never amounted to anything more than horrible feelings and thoughts.

That is just one of several examples that make me feel extremely conflicted. Not to mention the sheer terror of trying to tell someone something like, "I felt completely crazy last night and wanted to murder you. Please help me."