I walk around telling everybody I'm okay. I'm afraid to tell them that my life has been a long empty road because I know how they will react. People are just not reliable enough to be honest with. Some will sympathize and then disappear, others will exploit your weakness. I don't tell people about my relationship history because I get a lot of OMG and it just feels uncomfortable to share this. So I walk around in quiet sadness and try to pretend that everything is good enough. It's not - I have a large knot in my stomach and book full of empty beaches in my head. I've lost all my faith and I don't believe in any deity so when I think of the justification for all this isolation I just get a migraine and a sour taste in my mouth. I'm still amazed that after all this crap that I can still smile occasionally and pretend salvation is just around the corner. I'm getting closer to the end now and it looks like I might not achieve anything resembling content. I don't scream at anybody because I know that's the way it is - to some the illusion is harsh. I just wish I could go back and hold your hand for awhile - peace.