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Originally Posted by Shadix
I was also bullying me in school. I was pretty much a social outcast from elementary school all the way through high school. In late high school when I noticed my brother was cool and popular with the girls, something snapped and I decided this is not good enough for me and I developed this feeling that I need to turn things around and have my chance to be cool and get attention from girls and that I will be angry and depressed until that happens. Ironically, I also have frizzy hair and glasses, but I was picked for reasons other than that, I just acted weird and different from the other kids for some reason.
I don't really believe the whole thing about women being less concerned about a guy's looks. I have read there are studies showing that looks matter just as much to women. Perhaps if a woman gets to know a guy very well, other qualities can make her develop feelings for him, but when it comes to initial attraction, it is pretty much all about looks. Well, what if I don't like any of the women that I have the opportunity to get to know? If I am not good looking enough to make women attracted to me without getting to know me very well, then those are the only ones I will have any chance with. Also, from what I've seen, women do hate it and find it sleazy when guys they don't know hit on them. The only exception is when the guy is cute.
When I ask my mom about the mole, she basically tells me it is barely noticable and talks to me like I am imagining or something. I am pretty sure she is lying and just doesn't want me to feel insecure. But she doesn't understand the importance of looks since she grew up in a culture where girls don't do the casual dating thing when they are young and then when they grow up they just marry based on social status and who their parents approve of. I feel like people in general will judge me as being vain and shallow if I get it removed, but at the same time, if I allow myself to be unattractive and chase the girls I want, I will be judged as a pathetic delusional loser for thinking I can get attractive girls.
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I can relate..
I was a funny, outgoing, social kid until my peer's started bullying from age 9 to about 13. I was also weird/different and said stupid stuff all of the time on top of the wild hair, glasses, and ridiculous clothes. Eventually my personality shifted into a shy, insecure, anxiety ridden, depressed outcast who hardly talked to anyone at school. The funny thing is, im the case of the "ugly duckling turns into a swan" story. When I started high school; I got contacts, wore a little make-up, and fixed my hair. I looked like a completely different person in a good way. But even though I looked better, I couldnt connect with anyone because I was so afraid of being rejected and humiliated again. I still feel that way today and I need to get help because it has held me back in life. It's very hard for me to open up fully to people because I dont trust anyone. Also, ive been in a couple long term relationships that were both physically and emotionally abusive so I really don't trust people with my heart. As cheesey as that sounds. I am on antidepressants and stimulants though so they do help to a degree...
My sister is younger than me but she was popular in school because of her outgoing personality. I secretly wished I could be like that but I didn't have the skill's. I had control over my looks but no control over my awkward anxiety. I kept my outcast label a huge secret from my family because they often spoke badly about those types of people. My parents used to beat the **** out of me on top of verbally abusing and humiliating me on a daily basis (as a child) so I felt like I had no support.
About what women are attracted to: I guess I can't speak for every single woman on Earth but, as for me personally, it's not ALLLLL about looks. When I was a teenager and in my early 20's; all I really cared about as far as dating someone was their look's. I wanted them to look perfect. Pretty immature. As i've gotten older, that aspect is not as important to me. Of course I need to be physically attracted to the person, but for me to be completely attracted, they have to have a personality that I can't resist. If not, I will be turned off. So here's proof that not every woman cares ONLY about looks. You probably feel that way because that's what your used to. There are a lot of b**chy women out there, I know. But just as all guy's arent perverts; all women aren't shallow a**holes. Lol.
Maybe you have a lower view of yourself than other's do of you? Which wouldnt surprise me considering what I know about your past. Im the same way. I seriously doubt that you're ugly. Besides, people have their own taste in what they find attractive both physically and mentally. For example, Im attracted to clean cut guys with a sensitive side..but a friend of mine is only attracted to scruffy guys who are obese. (Not even kidding lol.) You probably think that's all a bunch of cheesy positive bull**it but it's just coming from my personal perspective and experiences.
My mom is completely against me getting a nose job but I really don't care. Im getting one. It's going to make me feel better about myself and that's all that matters. I do a lot of work in the public eye as far as making music and acting so in order for me to book jobs, I need to look good. Just how it is. If people talk negatively about me getting the procedure done, im going to feel dumb and embarrassed. But there's nothing I can do about it. They'll have to get over it eventually. Same goes with your mole.
Hope that helped you at least a little bit... It feel's good to talk about things and get stuff off of your chest.