My first experience with mania was brief (as I hear it often is for youth), I was about 13. I was a mess of anger and rage (very uncharacteristic of me, even now. I'm usually very laid back.) and it scared the crap out of both me and my sister. But what really messed me up was a mixed episode turned breakdown when I was 19. This episode sent me down a dark path of instability and self-medication that lasted for years, the pieces of which I am still trying to pick up.