My father was the abuser, and my mother was the enabler. She would let him do whatever he wanted to my brother and me, and only protect herself. Sometimes she would run away without us. After the divorce she kept dumping us off at his place so she could go on dates. In her wedding photos (second wedding) I look absolutely awful, physically ill and fresh SH cuts on my arms. I often had to use myself as bait to protect my younger brother because she wouldn't, she was too busy with boyfriends, on vacations, etc. When I was little I tried to tell some women at the church about what was happening, they called CPS who wound up investigating. My mother convinced CPS that I was going though a "lying phase" and they backed off. She then told me that I was never to tell anyone ever again, called me a liar and told me that if my father went to jail, it would be all my fault. She made me hysterically bawl and convinced me that I was a horrible person who didn't love my parents.

To this day my mother is still in full-blown denial. She will tell the story that she heroically protected and rescued my brother and me, and it is all such a load of crock. Also to this day she tells me that I was always a liar. She even made up an example of how when I was 4 years old, I told other children that my brother was dying of terminal cancer in order to manipulate them into giving me their toys. You know, because 4 year olds know all about terminal cancer.

I honestly feel like all of the times my father every physically or sexually abused me, all of it combined does not compare to the mental and emotional damage my mother dealt to me. I feel the most rage towards my mother, even though she never physically abused me. I have never been able to forgive her after all these years. Sometimes the rage is so bad I just want to crack her in the jaw. It's maddening.

Can anyone relate?