The entire goal is to not need reassurance from others and be able to find it within yourself. If someone always gives it to you, you don't have the desire to learn to look for it within yourself. My T. will reassure but not when I point blank ask for it. Also, for some people hearing it isn't enough. My T. has pointed out that even if she says it, I will want to hear it again and risk becoming dependent on it. And, I agree. My goal is to not want/need her so I can go back to my life. If she gave me everything I needed, I would never want to leave. I don't think the hole my mother left can ever be filled - that is what I had to learn the most - no one can fill it up.

Also, therapists want us to eventually be on our own so, yes, they want us to not need them. It doesn't mean we can never need them but the need should be able to fade as therapy progresses. We have to identify our needs, see which ones our T.'s can fulfill and then find other ways to meet the ones they cannot.