Quote:
Originally Posted by JustShakey
I wouldn't say you're making a big deal out of it Art. I would say it is a very big deal. You're setting this kid up for life remember?
I got off the phone with my own mother the other day terribly upset - I had been telling her about meeting a potential new friend and she essentially told me not to mess it up by acting like myself. Except she managed to say it in a way that made her sound like she was just giving me good advice and telling me to remember my manners.
No way in hell would my mother have wanted to buy me a better guitar so I could improve my skills as a teen. I would have been tacitly 'told' that I wasn't ever going to be a serious musician anyway so I didn't need it and she needed to save money for my education. Actually, something very similar did happen - I considered studying music in college (I played classical piano from the time I was 7 til my Leaving Cert year) and applied, but when I got the information about going for the audition my mother told me that I didn't want to do that anyway.
My mother set me up for a life of feeling like I was a weirdo, socially incapable, as well as stingy and selfish, for being like my father's family in personality. I was taught that I didn't know what was best for me - that I had to look outside of myself for that. I was set up for abusive relationships because I believed that I was so odd and clueless that no one decent would ever want me. Funny thing is, my father's family, while quiet and reserved in general are, if anything, the polar opposite of socially clueless...
That turned into a rant... But you see my point?
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Thanks... I grew up the same way except for instead of music, it was writing. I wanted to publish a book and my parents said "What makes you think YOU are special enough to do something like that?" (Why do we remember these retarded comments our entire lives?) Even after I did finally last year publish a book of my poems, my mother still couldn't be proud of me. And I guess that's why I worry so much about doing the same kind of thing to my son, even inadvertently.
Quote:
Originally Posted by growlycat
Art, your son may not be ready to hear something like this but…. learning to play well on imperfect equipment may help make him a better musician. Also, working hard for what you want…also will help him be a successful musician not a dabbler. His privileged friends may not develop the commitment he is developing now.
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Thanks this is a really good point too!! I was just talking to hubby about this and he said something very similar - that he just hasn't hit the realization that it's up to HIM to get a part-time job or find some way of earning money, and that I don't need to worry because he's a smart boy and he'll figure it out on his own. I have ideas for him of course, but he won't listen to them (yet), maybe he just needs to think they're his own ideas I don't know. The easiest way he could make money, right in our neighborhood, would be to put up a sign on the mailboxes offering to weed people's yards. Our HOA is so strict about weeds and no one likes doing it. Every adult I know in this complex would gladly pay him to de-weed their front yard. Heck, h and I already paid him $100 back in March to de-weed both our backyard and front yard and to spray weed killer, that's how much h and I hate pulling weeds.