I don't know how much is the system and how much is us and our perceptions. Now that I'm in the depressed and not that badly phase of this infernal episode I sincerely wish that I had done as I planned one Monday about 6 weeks ago and gone to my Thursday therapy appt. ready to go in and said the words because my therapist was really worried and would have had my pdoc on the phone in minutes. I wish I'd done that because I would have greatly preferred that to not feeling so bad for so long and I would have missed the scariest paranoia/delusions. But at the time it seemed like it was so awful that I talked myself out of it. My perception of IP then was so different than what it is now; all I could think of is the ways it would be bad (agitated and no space to move, unable to sleep and they'd probably take away the valium that sometimes helped, no control when I most wanted control, the money for a co-pay, etc). Now I am glad I didn't go solely because it would have been unlikely I'd have been put on this med and I am doing well on it aside from the nausea after every dose but on the other hand I would have preferred to avoid the last 6 weeks or more.