Why does everything inside of me fight improvement? It's so exhausting. I want desperately to be a better more motivated person that flows his dreams but my mind just won't leave me alone! Sometimes I think it's that I'm really trying to improve too many things at once but if I try to just focus on just one or two things for right now BAM! I'm instantly ruminating on all the things that I'm letting slide even a little. I'm bored yet not bored. I mean, I can think of lots of interesting things I'd like to do, new places I'd like to go, even old haunts I'd like to revisit, things I'd like to study. But the knowledge that I can never do all of these things fills me with a weird crippling despair. I'm growing somewhat tired of life itself if it wasn't for what it would do to my family especially my two nieces I'm not sure I would choose to go on.