Quote:
Originally Posted by msxyz
All this reminds me of the great divide when it comes to sleep training babies where at the one extreme end some say that you must not react to their crying at all so they can learn to sleep alone. Some of your therapists sound like that and I actually find that quite frightening because care or reassurance isn't like crack, you don' get addicted, wreck your life and die. No one ever has stopped having basic emotional needs by not getting them met. This is just bizarre.
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Quote:
Originally Posted by msxyz
I guess I just don't see it that way at all theoretically speaking, I don't think that's how independence develops, not in children and not in adults. I also don't see the problem with dependence, it;s not like we're taking fully functional problem free adults and turn them into non functioning problem riddled individuals through dependence. I also think that for most people there is a point where they will feel saturated with care and want to create more distance by themselves, just like it happens with teenagers.
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My therapist addressed my fear early on that I was too much and my needs were too much. The "hole that can never be filled" argument. She supported and reassured me, consistently, carefully, not perfectly but with sincerity and professionalism and love. She is my "good enough mother." I call her GEM. I've been in therapy with her now for... about 27 months. The hole is filling, and it's getting much easier to trust she's there for me and not need reassurance so much, to not be so anxious, to soothe myself in a better way than I ever could before, because I've internalized her caring.
When I was a young woman, I did it the way Soccer Mom describes- and... it worked, I got through, but... it wasn't nearly as good or satisfying or wonderful as this experience has been. I've increased my own capacity for all those things we value through her steady presence and ample reassurance. I'm very grateful for the experience and for her in my life.