hi madmusican ~ i'm sorry to hear you are feeling poorly, but very happy to hear you called your mental health team! that's wonderful!!!! good for you!!!!

couple quick comments - first, you are not wasting people's time! i'm very glad you posted and i'm more than happy to listen and try to offer encouragement. and i noticed you have posted 116 times - i'm sure some of those were you trying to help others!!! and i'm sure they were thankful!!!

second, i'm sure everyone posting here can relate to the calm you mention. it you can enjoy the calm feeling that's fine. just do not mistake that calm feeling for proof that giving up is the right answer!! that calm feeling is some chemical in your brain!!!! it's not an answer!!!!

please continue posting - i'll be online lots this weekend! i hope you post again.