And I believe now that's been my problem. My mother grew up very sheltered and her mother pushed her to marry anyone just to get married. My dad's mother was very abusive and pushed my dad to marry my mom because she could tell my mom was weak and my dad would be able to control her easily. My mom is finally standing up for herself at the age of 78, but my dad still tries his hardest to put her down. I hate even being around them. I think the more I've tried to be the complete opposite of my mother, the more I've become just like her. I think that's why I'm afraid to even date or get married. I don't want to end up like her, putting up with abuse just to be with someone. But I've ended up with friends who are just like my dad, who feel entitled to bully me, disregard my feelings and I end up feeling worse about myself. I'm currently trying to cut myself off from those friends, but I still have to see my parents every week.

I've been communicating with an online therapist from BetterHelp.com. It's only been a few times, so I'm not sure how helpful it will be, but it's the cheapest and most convenient option so far.