Quote:
Originally Posted by LonesomeTonight
So, for you, is it more about needs you had from your mom during childhood? My dad is still alive (thankfully!), and our relationship is pretty good. But I feel like what I was missing from him was during my childhood/teen years, when I really needed that understanding and acceptance--and also guidance, I guess.
I think some of this is coming out, too, because I have a 4-year-old daughter now, so I see myself in her. Especially because she may have some anxiety issues (plus is a bit delayed in language). And I don't want my H to replay the pattern of my dad. I want us both to help and accept her and make her feel reassured the way I wanted to be.
Luckily, my T had a cancellation this afternoon, so I'm going in at 5. I didn't want to have to wait another week to see her, with what seems to be a mountain of stuff piling up to address. Plus I'm feeling pretty badly about things with MC this morning, so it will help to talk with her (I hope!)
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It's definitely about my needs from childhood! When I first started, my T. asked me what my needs were. I about threw up and thought "need" was a 4 letter word. I didn't need anyone or anything. I was very used to stuffing any emotions down so I wouldn't be affected. My T. once told me it's like someone who has been through a divorce. They had told themselves the entire time that they didn't need X to convince themselves that everything was ok. I think that's what child me did growing up. I wasn't getting affection, connection, attunement so I just told myself after awhile (we think around age 7), that I just don't need them. But, my subconscious held onto it all and it erupted after my mom died.
Keep in mind, I saw my T off and on for 5 years before my mom died and had NO FEELINGS whatsoever! So, this has been a crazy ride but I have learned so much about myself! Keep digging deep and trying to link your feelings to your past especially when they seem out of proportion.