I never thought about revenge toward my father or other family members. I think revenge is part of the sick cycle of abuse. All I wanted was to be free from them. I worked very hard to get away from them. To put myself in a stable financial position so I could get out of the house. I also was very vocal and told my father that he died when I was little and the man standing in front of me was a stranger. I stopped talking to him after that. I was in my mid twenties at the time. My other family members I just stayed away from. Sometimes I would step in to help if things were out of control. I didn't live there so I could step in than step right back out. I am very close with my younger sister. She was my bright light through all of it. She was affected by the violence in the house. We all were. I had a great deal of conflict in my teens because part of me loved my father but another part didn't and used to degrade us for still loving my father. I realized one day that the man I loved was the man who died when he molested me and the man that was left was a stranger was an abuser. I learned it is ok to have had feeling of love and caring for the abuser for the times he wasn't abusing but once he molested me he was a stranger who used me for his sickness. It took time for me to understand that. But once I did I knew that man deserved nothing but disdain from me. And that is what he got. I do still have feelings of loathing when I think of him. He died 10 years ago in his 80's. I didn't cry for him at his funeral. I cried for myself and my suffering. It was cathartic.