If you enjoy working and education, please don't give up on them. It doesn't always have to be about the end goal. Sometimes it's just about steadily working your way through life and doing things that interest and stimulate you in a comfortable manner. When you feel ready if you want to do this, you should definitely go for it, if it's what you want.

You are also probably grieving, because the loss of a relationship of any kind, let alone a marriage partner, is a significant loss. It's normal to grieve even when a relationship was unhealthy. And then anxiety about keeping your children also makes perfect sense.

But it looks like you are very focused on the future, all of the "what ifs" and worst case scenarios. I think it's very important to focus on yourself in the here and now, what you need right now, whether it's medication help, therapy support and/or other means of being kind and nurturing to yourself. You are not responsible for making sure the future turns out perfectly, nobody is. We can't help it when there are bumps in the road or things we can't control or predict. We're not expected to try to prevent or control all of these things. Life is a bit of wild ride, after all.

My guess is that a good place to start is taking care of you. Relaxing shower, nutritious meal, comfortable clothes. One step at a time. Then consider forms of support that you might need such as medication, therapy, etc. All you will have to do is possibly look some stuff up, and then just make some phone calls. Again just one thing at a time, with no big rush.

You DO have a lot on your shoulders right now. Even if you did not have any mental illness, it would still be a lot to process and cope with, so you definitely deserve support no matter what.