I went out to RiverOaks today and toured the Post Trauma Stress Disorder Unit, asked questions related to the more negative parts of being hospitalized (yup, a line for meds -- but the unit is so small, I can't imagine it would be bad), only locked out of room if you have an eating disorder and are using it to barf or some other self-endangerment, yup very structured (which I need, I think), no computers (mine is expensive and my prized possession so it would probably be too stressful to have it there anyway) and limited phone times (since I don't talk to anyone much anyway, can't see it would be a big deal for me).

I think I would benefit, but I can't get past the $1500 a week price tag. Two weeks minimum, paid up front; 3 weeks recommended; but they almost never keep anyone longer than 3 weeks.

But when I get out -- I will no longer have even this sublet, I will still need a job. I have a feeling that if I'd gotten a job, my life would have structure and purpose, and I wouldn't be feeling so blue. I also question whether having a job would merely have made me "busy" so I wouldn't have noticed as much that I'm still stuck in the drama that happened nearly 18 months ago and emotionally have not resolved much regarding that.

Plus, I seem to be starting to feel better with the higher Effexor dose. I talked with the prescribing shrink today about my extreme lethargy over the past 5 days, and he said that would be a typical side effect -- stop taking it in the morning, switch to evenings, which if it puts me to sleep will be great, bec. I can quit the neurontin that I take for sleep.

I forgot to ask if there is an outpatient program at River Oaks -- I think there is, but maybe only if you go through the intense inpatient. I'm asking myself -- isn't there some way to get the support I need as an outpatient? $1500/week buys *a lot* of health care. If I was in a morning program that got my day started right, I'd have afternoons to work on job hunting and apartment finding, presumably kicked in the butt and supported.

I could also rent a really swank apartment for $1500 a month for 2 months -- but of course, what good would that do if all I do is mope around it, watching reruns of Angel and Charmed and Law & Order, and playing e-solitaire, and isolating in luxurious splendor.

Any thoughts about this anyone?