Hi Cosmickid, you hav had a traumatic time, so Be kind to yourself. Alison is talking sense, she seems to understand. As far as Benzodiazepines go, I understand you feeling you needed the Ativan. They are strictly for short term or occasional use as I'm sure you know. You and your doctor can decide whether the benefits outweigh the risks. I really feel for you and wish you all the best as you try to find your way forward. don't forget