I'm not sure I've ever let my "unconsciousness" or "subconscious" take over. But then, T doesn't ever sit behind me. We have this understanding. . .no matter how many times I turn away or hide from him, he is to never turn away. I had a T do that once. . .in an effort to help me not feel so shamed. It devastated me. It's one thing to be complete filth, you know? It's entirely another to know that someone can't look at you. I think I'd feel weird if he was behind me.

Oh hells bells. . .I don't know why I just wrote all of that.