I've suffered from an eating disorder since I was 17, and I'm now 28. I got help back then and "got better". Around may of last year I started getting depressed and had horrible anxiety causing me to fall back into my eating disorder. I starve myself because I have a fear of throwing up. I became pregnant in July 2014, and gave birth to a healthy baby boy in April. I did great my entire pregnancy keeping it under control (which is hard to do with morning sickness). But since he's been born its been out of control. I feel sick to my stomach all the time still, only worse. As a result i starve myself. If I don't eat, I can't get sick. I know I need help and that my fear is absolutely ridiculous but I can't force myself to get the help i need. I'm worried that these stomach aches I have are a disease itself and that if I get help for my ED it won't do any good. I'm at a complete loss and have no one to turn too. I feel like a failure as a mother because I let this debilitating disorder run my life.