I'm so sorry if this sounds immature. This was 3 years ago.

The very first time I cut myself, was a few days after the last day of school. I was 15 years old and freshmen year just ended. I had a lot of other issues that probably lead me to start self harming, but this was the "final straw" I guess.

I was so angry because my best friend, a few weeks before, told me she liked me (in a romantic/sexual way. I'm also a girl). I was over the moon because I thought that all my problems were over because someone actually liked me! We kissed 3 days later in the morning before school started. Then afterwards told me that she said she was straight and didn't like me (WTF?!). She said that there was something wrong with me for leading her on!!! When she was the one who lead me on for MONTHS and manipulated me into making me her friend, and later girlfriend. I knew I liked girls for a while, but I was still in the denial phase. I never lead her on, if anything I tried really hard to hide any homosexual feelings, for her or any other girl. I actively said I liked guys (not true). I also, never hugged her before until that point. She actually for months acted flirtatious around me. And when we went shopping, kept trying to touch me to "fix" whatever I had on. I eventually told her to stop doing that. She wasn't the type of girl I really found attractive, at least to me. She somehow, made me like her.

And I felt so angry for finally realizing I was gay. I couldn't stay in the dark about it anymore. And my "friend" made me feel like **** about it. She started calling me on the phone and saying horrible things to me about how her mom hated me and that I was disgusting. I couldn't come to her house anymore. And that her mom said I turned her gay. Then when she invited me over to go swimming, she started to make out with me and touch me RIGHT BEHIND HER MOTHER WHILE she was sleeping on a chair 10 ft away!!! Then tells me later that we can't ever do that again. Then when we hung out "secretly" at the park, she tried to kiss me and touch me but when I go home, she texts me that we can't do that again, because her parents would disown her.

Now that I am writing this, I realize how immature this all was. But she kept finding new ways to manipulate me into doing it again. She eventually told me she would kill herself if I wouldn't hang out with her again!!! She eventually started manipulating me have sex with her. One time, she even said I raped her because "she was asleep"?! She also made very rude comments about me body. And on top of all of this, the guilt of the fact that I was gay was unbearable. I didn't want to be gay. I hated myself for it. I just want to be normal.

I know I am gay, and I know I did like her, but I don't like her anymore.

I started to cut myself because of all of this. And I started cutting myself for other reasons. And then I started to cut myself for any reason at all.

When was your first time self harming? Why?