Quote:
Originally Posted by Reveille68
Hello,
I'm new to the forum. I'm a 47 year old male that has recently been diagnosed with bipolar disorder. How I survived until now without treatment is amazing. I think my lifestyle, working conditions and self medicating techniques kept me barely within acceptable levels. My manic phases were never as bad as some on this forum have experienced so I rejected my initial diagnosis. I was put on 10mg of ability and within 3 days I went full on manic. Very grandiose, I felt on top of the world. 3 weeks later the mania subsided and being the no it all I am, I decided I should stop taking the ability and 2 weeks later I crashed hard. It left me deeply depressed and at one point anxiety and depression simultaneously, I was very close to admitting myself to a hospital. I went back to the pdoc and he started me on depakote which eventually pulled me out of the rutt. I'm better but still not well. I started seeing a therapist last week to help me adjust to my new reality. I miss the mania, I'll be honest, it made me who I am and I'm now trying to deal with lower energy. I lost interest in everything a few weeks back but as I adjust to the depakote I'm slowly beginning to get some drive back. I was suicidal and have been for years but I was exceptionally so a few weeks back. Just started reading the bipolar survival guide last night, hope it helps. Just wanted to say hello. Sorry for the wordy intro.
Rev
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Reading your intro feels like you're the older version of the current me. It describes almost every details that I've experienced except for taking medications and seeing a therapist.
When I am experiencing Hypomania, I'll make the best out of this phase by channeling my energy towards helping people.
For some bipolar disorder individuals, I can understand the feeling behind suicide thoughts. Personally for me, I've taken a bus home regularly and past by a reservoir on different occasion. I visualized myself slowly walking into the reservoir and just die without struggle or pain at all, like as though I'm finally going to be spared from my sufferings.
NO, suicide thoughts are serious case. Recently, a young teenager who lived near my area, hanged himself in his bedroom despite cries of suicide thoughts and negativity in social media. Suicide may seem like a process towards a "better" life, but in reality, it's a selfish act. Suicide's not gonna make things better, it just means you won't be able to see the positive outcome at all, never again.