Just posting an update to vent.
We had a decent week or so. Kept fairly regular contact. Delved into the idea of reconciling quite a bit etc. She is still very active with addictions. She managed to cause an accident and probably total her car 3 nights ago. She is upside down on the car and will likely see no money from it if it is totalled.. Shes unaware of that, her insurance set her up with a rental and shes just thinking all is well.. At any rate, the night after the accident, she called and was super nice to me, told me she missed me and all sorts of things. My power went out, and she invited me over. I went over, we spent the night together, we had an incredible night and it really felt like she was coming around.. She made me feel like the king of the world again. I asked her if there was any citations written at the the accident and she said no. The following morning I noticed she had a citation on her bureau, i let it slide. Another thing that troubled me was her phone going off in the middle of the night. I briefly saw the text and asked.. She sys it was her friend Mark who is married and she gets adderall from.. Now, I'm not stupid, a text string at 3 am is someone who has had sex with you and probably is seeking a late night round. Again, I didnt question.. The next morning we spoke some more, I asked her if she is willing to work on this, She assures me there is noone else in her life currently and she says that she feels the best she has since we broke up because we woke up together and she is super happy. I started to cry, lost it really.. I asked her again if things could work, she said I don't know, I said I feel like you dont want it, she said "you dont know that"... so we kissed and said goodbye. I had a rough day all day thinking.. Crying, thinking.. She texted me immediately after work and said how I was on her mind all day.. I explained I had a rough day and she empathized. the conversation continued a bit and she became frustrated. She took the stance that I wanted all or nothing. I assured her I didnt want all or nothing and that I felt like an option not a priority to her.. The text went dead.. no reply. So a few hours passed, I called, I texted, I called again.. Nothing, drove by her house, she was out so I know she knew I was trying to reach her.. Just totally ignored me. So I sent one more text and said "I'm going to call you one more time and that's it" I waited 5 minutes, dialed and no answer. Clearly she was with someone else last night, the very same day she woke up next to me and said all these wonderful things.. So after the last call, I just sent a text that said "goodbye"
No response, nothing, nothing today, just totally cut me off.. I even dropped 2 bags of groceries on her doorstep this morning (she still wasnt home) she has no money for food so I gave her some extra groceries from when she lived here.. Along with some other personal effects that wer still at my house.. Absolutely dumbfounded here.. I guess it is "goodbye"
She is going downhill. Wait until she figures the whole car thing out and the rental is gone and she is left with no money or vehicle and perhaps even a bill to pay off the loan.. she owes a thousands more than its worth.