candybear,

I often have the same feelings you are expressing here. Someone on this site once wrote the following message to me, and it seems to really apply here -- for me, it is one of the most empowering things I have ever received, and I hope you find inspiration in it too:

If I am going to get better I have decided to move beyond it. Each time I decide to walk the other way when I want to break down and cry over my past pains I become the person I wish to be. Each time I am able to turn my back on the visions I take back a little of what was taken away from me. Fighting to break away from being a victim doesn’t make me better or stronger, it just makes me whole.

be well,

mtd