I also married and lived with an alcoholic. Leaving out the handful of physical moments, he wasn't even obnoxious when drinking. He stopped drinking in marriage for a while, but that didn't handle the underlying childhood wounds that he had. It was a relationship that lacked the ability to grow and mature, not that I didn't work my side of it through alanon, therapy, support and self help. Five years divorced, he still needs a caregiver and he's back to drinking. His drinking drives a wedge between him and the three children, especially our oldest. My oldest is growing into his teens discovering that their bond will come to be as though oldest is the parent figure.
Yes, alcoholism is called a disease, yet it's really a choice.
I can also, appreciate your h's hesitation on pain meds. If he can't control alcohol, that's a next step towards worse.
Sending you warm thoughts