Quote:
Originally Posted by Achy Turtle Armor
I will definitely read him these things I've written. He is good about listening to the whole thing without making comments until the end. I don't have his email to contact him with. Also, he did explain what "I'm not having fun" means but I am unsure if I will quote him correctly. He went on to say something like, "This is not how I like to work with my patients. I want to show more love and compassion (not sure if this was the word) than I can with you right now. I like to be able to work without watching everything I say so I don't make any mistakes with you."
I am also remembering, just now, that he said that he would losen the boundaries when he sees improvement and then tighten them up again if needed. He said that he will do it over and over if he needs to. I remember crying so hard and asking him if he was going to leave me. He shook his head and said, "You know that you shouldn't be asking me that." He relented, sighed, and said, "No. I'm not going anywhere. Not by my design." I tend to ask that question or "are you mad at me" too much when I am feeling very vulnerable and needy.
In other news, I feel a little better today in that I am remembering more of the reassuring and positive things he said. I am feeling proud that I behaved through all of that. I think that was big. My eyes are extremely puffy and swollen though. Still feel quite low but going to work with hopes that I will be able to put it all aside for the next 8 hours.
I am so very thankful for y'all.
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hey. sorry the boundaries are more strict now. my T did something similar a few years ago with texting. he told me not to text him anymore. i got super mad and walked out. eventually we started texting again. i think maybe it is a similar case. T didnt want me to become too dependent on him. when it happened it really sucked. but i managed. but, yes it was hard. when things llike that get taken away it feels rejecting, to me at least. T said i was distressing him too much because i would text him all these really suicidal things. these days ive calmed down a lot. i am attached to my T as well and he knows. but i dont think its unhealthy. i admit, years ago, i did want him to rescue me and take care of me. but now... i feel more able to do that to myself, but not to say that i still need reassurance and support from T.
sounds like your T really does care about you. i know its hard to see it this way but i assume this is his way of showing that. it doesnt really seem right on the surface though. these are just my thoughts. i think you have a good T and from what i read you guys have a good rapport. this is very important. as far as regressing, i believe these things happen. recovery isnt linear, its up and down , forward and backward. so dont get hard on yourself for how you feel. im glad you managed it ok and didnt resort to self-destructive coping skills. i think that shows a lot of growth.