Hi Blue Whiskey, Sorry to hear you're having a hard time. As Hooligan said, it does swing like a pendulum and sometimes things can be great one minute and the next all is lost. I have experienced this more times than I care to remember. I am only newly diagnosed and not very happy with it but learning more about it as best I can. I really love this article too as it's written by someone who understands BPD and appreciates the good qualities that we have rather than focusing on the negative all the time like I have seen in tons of literature that I've been reading on this disorder. I lost everything many times over and never understood why. I'm still kind of at a loss as to why I have this PD but I suppose it's better knowing that I have 'something' rather than continuing to ask myself 'what's wrong with me?' I hope you feel better soon.