Hi Renounced,

"No one can argue against the fact that I'm not a good person. I know that I'm not"
I can argue against that thought, because I know that you are a good person!!

But it does sound like you're hurting and extremely down on yourself
I am sorry people have walked away from you, but I really don't think you've/you're hurt/hurting people as much as you think if you've/you're hurt/hurting people at all.
I'd say some ideals you have for yourself may just be impossible to live up to, and in the reality others may not even expect you to be living up anywhere near to those ideals you've set yourself........not because you're you, but because you're human

And some of that compassion you have for others, and how they might be feeling, how's about turning that around on yourself, hey??

And if you think you're hurting people just keep up the communication, hey?? Everyone can hurt people at times for different reasons e.g. unintentionally, because they're hurting themselves, because they're scared..........but things can sometimes still be OK with a bit of open communication and understanding

And hey, I almost forgot this bit.........you're not an idiot either!!

Alison