I agree with TWF and Ruh roh.

I still want to maintain contact with my ex-T because I still love her. I'm still attached to her. Though I know she will never be my T again one because she doesn't want to be my T, and two because I could never trust her in that role again. But through all the pain that her abandonment has caused me, I still love her. There are so many good qualities about her. I mean, for 17 months we had a great relationship (or so I thought at least).

I'm continually told that life is not black or white and that I need to find the grey. Well, my ex-T is not all good or all bad.

And even though I'm told I'm not to blame for the abandonment, somehow I do have responsibility in it. Something I did or didn't do caused my T to want to leave. I'm the one with the mental health issues, so I must have had some hand in the mess.