All relationships are complicated and never, ever all good or all bad. I had a few 'ruptures' in therapy too and told T I wanted to terminate sessions. She gave me "permission" or room to do that, but both times I thought things through and realised we had misunderstood each other over something that was hugely emotionally important to me. So I went back, explained myself, felt better understood and we carried on. The third and last time a rupture occurred T actually told me it was not right to terminate but I could if I really wanted to. So we had a long gap. I did go back eventually though and things felt, the relationship felt very different, actually more grown up and less needy on my part. Things then continued and I reached a better healthier ending with the therapy.

Looking back it was almost as if the ruptures, repairs, learning from that and growing through them (for me) were all an important part of the relationship and therapy. Not feeling attacked and running in fear was something I learnt and can now deal with in my other relationships too.

I was very attached to my T too. So the strong attachment and transference were all a part of why I went back - and also a reason why the ruptures happened in the first place. I made myself very open and so emotionally vulnerable with her (not something I'd do with other relationships to the same extent). That made me very oversensitive to her words and reactions. But it was something I came through as time went on with her. Her words and reactions lost power as I gained power and healing for myself.