I studied it heavily during a rather severe depression episode, while thinking along the lines that maybe the Third Reich was right, maybe if they had won then people like me wouldn't have to exist anymore, maybe all of the pain and abuse in my family - maybe that sort of thing wouldn't have to happen anymore. I was in a very depressed, suicidal and self-loathing state of mind. However I don't regret all the research I did, however morbid my motivation, because I learned quite a bit and it gave me a lot to really think about, such as my above conclusions in the end. Not to totally toot my own horn, but I think in some ways I'm impressive. I've survived a great deal, somehow, and my psychological resilience and self-control is through the bloody roof after all these years. My biggest motivation was always love that I felt for other people, not wanting to hurt them and wanting to be able to help them. And the sheer power behind that feeling pushed me much further than I ever would have imagined I could have gone when I was a younger teenager. I'm an extremely strong person these days and have been through a lot of spiritual, emotional and otherwise personal growth. I must admit an ornery part of me can only smirk at people who think it would be best to eliminate me. I think they're simply intimidated.