Its not even about meanies or whatever. It is just about being able to relax and just be and say and let it all go and that is why this forum is so important and even though I am intellectually processing what all of you are saying and want to be convinced that it is fine and I'm sure it probably is. There is just the little jiggling piece that now feels on guard. And that was what I needed not to have.

I've ruined it for myself basically. Should have thought a little harder