Hi folks - I have a question as to how would you expect a T to react to the following email I sent. I know this could belong in the "romantic feelings" forum, but I thought that sub would get responses primed to indicate romantic feelings and I want a more general response...some background:

I have been seeing my T for 2.5 years. She is strictly CBT/Schema Therapy trained. We have a wonderful therapeutic relationship and I believe when she says she loves working with me and likes me as a patient. A few times, she has brought up that CBT might not be enough for me and that I would benefit from psychodynamic work - which she has no training in. I take her advise seriously and intellectually I agree with her - but the thought of leaving her breaks my heart (I do feel romantic yearnings toward her - I am female and she knows I'm bisexual). I don't think I can invest in therapy this much again. I told her as much, sans the romantic yearnings part.

For a while I had been talking about extreme shame in response to certain feelings. She assumed these feelings are negative, but I said that sometimes they can be positive. I read a book on short-term psychodynamic therapy and a section from one of the chapters described perfectly what I have been feeling. I brought it up in session and said I was too embarrassed (I was really crying at this point) to share it with her and how I also feel angry that she might want to terminate me/won't be able to help me. Anyway, this is what I sent her, it's an extract from the book:

* My comments are in blue

The therapeutic process typically proceeds in a kind of spiral from the outer layer of defenses against emotional closeness, to anger, underlying pain and grief, and finally, longings for closeness.

All the layers of feeling must be accessed, experienced, and woven together in such a way that patients can see themselves and others clearly. This integration is a pre- requisite for what is sometimes referred to as “whole object” relationships, in which both gratification and frustration are expected and tolerated. Basic needs for attachment and closeness are met without compromising the need for autonomy. Ultimately, an inner sense of personal freedom and a renewed or expanded capacity for joy should be evident.

The process of de-repression reveals the factors that have been responsible for the avoidance of strong internal feelings and close emotional involvement with others. Anger and grief are not the only affects that are capable of evoking anxiety and, hence, fueling avoidance. In many cases, there is considerable anxiety, guilt, shame, and inhibition around the experience and expression of warm, tender, loving, and sexual feelings. (Yep)

Other theorists who have expanded and revised classical theory to include theories of attachment, have suggested that affects are not intrinsically good or bad, safe or dangerous, but are deemed so as the result of direct experience with primary caretakers in early life. Those affects that were freely expressed and responded to are more likely to recur than those that met with punishment and censure. In some families, rather harsh and violent behavior is sanctioned (not nearly as extreme in my case), whereas warmth and tenderness are forbidden. Children raised in such an environment would be expected to express anger and hostility (insert whatever applies to me) with relative ease but to become anxious, defensive, and avoidant when positive feelings are aroused.

[COLOR="rgb(65, 105, 225)"]I am grateful for your time and patience.[/COLOR]


Anyway, my questions: How obvious is it that I'm talking about feelings that are a byproduct of therapy - that is, feelings toward her that had made me aware of this pattern? Second, how likely do you think she is aware that these feelings are romantic? I get the sense that she doesn't pick up on nuances and I always have to spell out things to her - but I was hoping this would be clear.

Thank you for reading and for your input!