First, thanks for the replies guys. I felt so alone and so hopeless. You will never know how important it was to not feel so alone in that moment.

Allison/Frankbtl, I'm not going to go as far as to say i'm "better", but I can say that because of you i've reached out. I didn't know where I would go with it but I ended up doing the one thing I hate, calling my counselor on off hours, and I just confessed it all. I told her how I was feeling, what I had taken to stop those feelings, and even read to her what could have been, my final words.

I'm not sure where I am or where these feelings came from but I can say that a certain death doesn't seem as inevitable as it once did. Thanks guys.