so I am going through a really rough time right now the new job I have been at for upwards for 4-5months is proving not to be a healthy place for me to be at.

I end up getting a lot of triggers for my ptsd where I m working right.
1.Elevated voices
2.people cursing at me and making me feel like I am lesser then them.
3.and on top of that cause its at a job where you are making sales you can get in trouble if you don't sometimes push for the person to give you money even after they have told you no. I often times just hesitate and don't even try to go any further if someone tells me straight off they don't want to donate cause I don't want to get into it with them and have a argument.

but this ends up making me look bad to my supervisors and to my managers...and as much stress as I get from this job it just does not seem worth it.

NOW I am trying to go back into one of the jobs I wanted to before doing at pet sitting and dog walking.

and I am actually getting some people to contact me I think having a job working around animals which I love to do myself in my spare time anyway is a great match for me.

I am currently attending school online and am a straight a student, for veterinary technician training.

and since I go to school online it would end up being a great match.

But my mom is just being flat out a ***** to me. She comes into the room I am sitting in see's that I am on my email and put her hands on her hips cause we are both going to a neighbourhood get together tonight. I explain to her I just got an email from someone that wants to possibly hire me to take care of their dog.
And the first things she brings up is how one of my neighbours got pissy about a pet sitting job I did a while ago and it was a highly minor thing this lady had an issues with and now she went from having me walk and watch her dog to to not doing it at all.

and the issue this lady had was not how I took care of her dog but some cats she had in the house....and how she thought the litter was not that clean but I had went over there everyday and did what i was asked just the same.

it really pisses me off that my mom is bringing up other people's issues with me and basically acting like she is siding with them....for their opinions and making it seem like she has no confidence I could do anything better in the future.

I know that in the past with a lot of my jobs I have f'd them up. And the even more screwed up thing is my mom will turn around and when I am having depression issues will ask me why I feel badly or why do I have such bad self esteem issues??

are you serious??? she does not see at all how her behaviour contributes to my lack of thinking I can change or be better when she throws every fault i have in my face.
I choose to believe that I can be better in things in my life and if I make mistakes in my life in work, fun, pleasure or relationships I would like to think I could just pick myself up from them and learn from them.

that is how I want to approach things in this time around with my clients I might work with. And instead I have to deal....with someone basically trying to force the thought of that.

Oh no forget that your just gonna **** it up like you do everything else.

but then again this is her thought process to me doing much of anything any more.

but even if she does not believe i can do this I do think I can, and I am not going to have her sabotage a chance for me...to find away of living that i would like and would be healthier for me.

it just really hurts she says she wants me to be happy and healthy and she knows where i am working now is doing neither of these two things and then I find an opportunity to make more money then at the part time job I work at now for less hours...and I am still getting feed unhealthy thoughts that are not my own.