I'm sorry you are struggling so much with all of this.
I have trouble reaching out also. I always worry about being too needy or annoying, or getting too attached. It's a tough spot to be in... My personal stance (for myself only), is to sit through whatever I can sit through, and keep my promise to T: to reach out if I think I may act on any of the ideas. If I am feeling particularly needy, I will contact the lifeline chat or a crisis line to get me through some of the worst of it. I've tried not to bug T too much unless it's something really distressing. I also feel a strong need to keep my promise to T. When she made me promise not to act on anything without reaching out first, I kept the promise. She also knew I had a lot of trouble contacting people I may not know, so it kinda gauranteed her a call or me waiting to speak with her in person.
If T is normally genuine, reach out as you need to. You can also have a conversation with her around your fears of becomming too needy or attached. She may be able to clarify her boundry and/or help reassure you that it really is ok to call.