So I feel good about today. Still feel a bit empty and down but I think it is to be expected. I made some positive changes today. I have a countdown thing on my phone that tells me how many days till something or how many days since something. So I've been counting how many days since I've hurt myself and how many days since I have smoked pot but also I used it to tell me how many days until I see my therapist. I deleted that one. He knew about it. He saw it. His response was to smile at me and say, "mad woman." I thought if I was going to try to live my weeks healthier and not thinking about when I see him again then deleting that would be the best thing for me. I've also tried remembering the positive things that he said to me yesterday and the reason behind the things he said. I've not spent much time thinking about it to be honest because I think that would be counterproductive. I mean the idea is for me to reduce my thoughts about him the idea is for me to live my life being more present. So I'm trying. I'm really trying. I laughed with frustration though because every time I received a book that was about vegetarianism or veganism of course my first thought is about my therapist. He's a vegetarian. I just try to get my mind back on track and in the moment.