Oh so me too hun. Being older in life with a semi-death wish, I can't see the point of even trying. Actually, being on here daily makes me focus on the situation which makes me conscience of the obvious which makes me feel "off". On going ignorance is bliss.

So seeing a therapist is scary in raising all the worst feelings that has been suppressed then just signing off here and "forgetting" what's going on.

I'm always changing, so dealing with life as a singular I just can't see it possible. I'm better off co-operating then rehashing old traumatic life events.

I hope you get good advise, aside from my thoughts giving.

I never knew, lived a good while, and managed some sense of sanity. Good luck!