without medication, it's a lot harder for me to get out of my bed and it's like the depression just lasts for days... I remember when I just had it with that, and I was thinking about suicide constantly because every single day was the same thing, even thought i wanted to do things, I just couldn't because I just felt so tired and messed up so I ended up being admitted to the hospital for almost a month because I told my therapist that I was thinking about suicide and that my life was ruined because I had horrible anxiety the messed things up in my life. Then I got prescribed something different and I started to go outside more but still I have issues with having a bad sleep pattern... and the same thing is happening again, having days or weeks where I just want to stay inside... it's like the medication is just not working anymore.. and it's like i can't bring myself to keep going outside every day, or to do things productive from start to finish consistently... It's frustrating... but on days when things are going well, i am happier because of it but the fact that I have these issues, makes me see that I need help... I've been trying to find more help for the issues i deal with... and it's sad that I'm in my 20s and still not independent enough... it hurts me what i've been through and what i'm still going through.

The fact that the meds kind of helped me out a bit more almost makes me think like i'm better but then again it's like I still get bad days... and that's the reason i'm still going to go through with this and appeal the ssi. I have a lot of things that happened to me... it's crazy that i'm still here and alive even through the pain that i endured. I apologize i don't want to talk about myself too much...